Two Becoming One in the Bedroom

Two Becoming One in the BedroomIf you find the following blog helpful will you please send your friends to our page. Also a full audio and video presentation of this sermon is available here online as well. Thank you for reading, listening, or watching.

What is God’s perspective about sex as a married couple? Continue to read and discover:

I. Sex is NOT dirty.

Why would people think sex is dirty? Here are some possible reasons:

  • Sexual abuse.
  • Rape

RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) reports that 1 person every 2 minutes is either raped or sexually assaulted in the United States. That means well over 200,000 people are sexual assaulted annually in our nation. And it is true that many times victims of sexual crimes begin to view sex as dirty. And often they view themselves as dirty.

Sexual abuse and rape is dirty, and it’s not only dirty, it’s criminal. However, God ordained, “sex is NOT dirty”.

Our society has made it not just dirty, but absolutely filthy. Consider the following:

  • 50 Shades Of Grey – A book and now a movie.
  • Prostitution (Called the oldest profession).
  • Sex Trafficking – 1 million worldwide and 300,000 in the US are affected, and the average ages is 12-14 years old.
  • Spring Break – College students head to Mexico hook up with one another. Estimated around 170,000 to 200,000 students annually.
  • Pornography industry (Makes more money than all sports teams combined).
  • Magazine that are constantly promoting sex. And I might add a very twisted view of sex.

No wonder so many people have such a warped psychological view of sex, and see it as not only dirty, but something entirely disgusting.

God created sex to be a shared intimacy between a husband and wife, but man has polluted sex, and intimacy becomes the casualty – the very emotional connection that people really desire.

One of my very favorite passages in the Bible about enjoying sex in the confines of marriage is found in Proverbs 5:15-19. And get this – its NOT dirty. We read,

   “Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.”

As a married couple when you are engaged in the sexual act and you feel that it is dirty, than your internal programing has been damaged. Psychologically there is something terribly wrong. God never intended for married sex to be looked upon as dirty. If you view sex in your marriage as something dirty please get some counseling. Talk with your spouse. Read some good Christian books about sex. Read the Bible and get God’s perspective about sex. Find out what is going on in your heart and mind. What has caused you to view sex as dirty? Get help – don’t go through life viewing sex as dirty.

II. Sex is God’s Gift.

You heard right – Sex is a gift! It is God’s gift to both the husband and the wife. Are you aware that God has one book in the Old Testament where we actually read about some very amazing sexual interchange occurring between a young husband and his beautiful wife. The book is called, The Song of Solomon. In this book of only eight chapters we are introduced to the Shulamite (the young woman) and her Beloved (the young man). And in this book we see sex as a gift from God.

Every Christian should read this book. It provides a beautiful picture of everything that a man and woman would desire in a relationship, including sexual intimacy. Here is what we discover in the Song of Solomon:

  • A man and woman – they are friends (Remember last weeks message).
  • Love – they truly love each other (The focus was on the other person).
  • Romance – they shared compliments about the others appearances and smells (good compliments).
  • Sexual abstinence (2:7,3:5,8:4, They taught abstinence because they understood it as a gift from God).
  • They long to be with one another, and didn’t like it when they were away from each other.
  • In the bedroom they enjoyed foreplay with one another. They had fun as a married couple.
  • They enjoyed God’s gift of sex – they enjoyed each other’s body as God intended (Go ahead and study and read Song of Solomon chapter 4-5).
  • They praised each other. (I think the conversation may have gone something like this: The husband would say to his wife, “My O my you look fine “i.e., you look hot”.” To which the wife would respond, “I am so in love with you.”
  • They were totally in love with each other, and they experienced real intimacy.

Allow me to read to you from Song of Solomon 7:6-10 – this is a picture of the beauty of sex as God’s gift. We read,

“(The Beloved) 6 How fair and how pleasant you are, O love, with your delights! 7 This stature of yours is like a palm tree, And your breasts like its clusters. 8 I said, “I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of its branches.” Let now your breasts be like clusters of the vine, The fragrance of your breath like apples, 9 And the roof of your mouth like the best wine. (The Shulamite) The wine goes down smoothly for my beloved, Moving gently the lips of sleepers. 10 I am my beloved’s, And his desire is toward me. “

Sex is a gift! It is God’s gift to mankind.

III. Sex is Sacred.

Please write this down: Married people are to only have sex with their spouse. Sex is sacred. This is what the book of Hebrews teaches,

   “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Heb. 13:4)

This verse teaches that those who have sex before marriage (fornicators) and those who have sex while married to someone other than their spouse (adulterers) God will judge.

This verse tells us that God will judge the person who defiles the marriage bed either before marriage (fornication), or after marriage (adultery).

Sex in marriage is viewed as very sacred. This flies in the face of our modern sexualized society, but I know you would agree with me that society hasn’t gotten it right. Consider these three examples:

Many couples are cohabiting, that is, living together in a sexual relationship without marriage. Currently, 60% of all marriages are preceded by cohabitation, but fewer than half of cohabiting unions end in marriage. And 46% of those who do get married end in divorce.[2]

  • Friends with benefits.

This is how the Urban dictionary defines “Friends with Benefits:” Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.

  • Websites that promotes adultery.

Ashley with its slogan: “Life is short – have an affair.” 8 million men and women are registered with Ashley Madison.[3]

Not only has society not gotten it right, but also we live in a world where people just don’t care about God’s plan for sex. In the last few months alone I have heard the following statements:

  • “I don’t agree with Pastor Kim about not having sex before marriage.”
  • “I have a conviction that certain things are wrong, but my mind is not made up about sex before marriage.”
  • If you don’t have sex before marriage you will be inept on your wedding night.

What does God have to say to us? Do we want God’s take on sex? We read in I Thessalonians 4:1-8,

   1 Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God; 2 for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus. 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6  that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. 7 For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. 8 Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit. 

   I read those verses and it is very clear that sex is sacred! It is God’s will that you enjoy sex within the confines of a marriage relationship. Sex is never to be shared outside of a marriage relationship between a man and a woman. The marriage bed is to be undefiled!

Adam and Eve were the first couple on the planet to have sexual intercourse. It was an exclusive experience between the two of them – it was a sacred experience! This is what God has said about that original exclusive and sacred experience between Adam and Eve, and it provides us a clear picture of how God views sex. We read in Genesis 2:24-25,

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” 

Here we have a beautiful picture of the sacredness of sex. Look carefully at what we have in these two verses:

  • A man leaving his parents.
  • A man taking a wife (marriage).
  • Sex (they became one flesh).
  • Nakedness (they were both naked).
  • No shame between the man and woman.

Please hear this: A married couple can have sacred sex for the glory of God. And sacred sex (an undefiled bed) does bring God glory. 

IV. Sex is Interactive. 

What do I mean when I use the word, interactive? I mean that sex is not to be about you, but about your spouse, and sex is not suppose to be about your spouse, but about you. Both husband and wife are to make sex about the other person.

There are a lot of marriages where sex has become self-focused. Many married couples are under the understanding that sex is about their experience, and they don’t realize that sex is not about them, but about fulfilling the physical, psychological, and emotional needs of your mate – the need for real intimacy.

Sex is not just about you.

  • Every married couple should understand the anatomy of the human body. Know your own body – Know your spouses body. Know how the body functions.
  • Every married couple should read good Christian books about sexual intimacy (Suggestion: Intended For Pleasure by Ed Wheat. Should be in every Christian home).
  • Every married couple should have someone who cares enough for them to sit down with them before their wedding and explain step-by-step what to expect on their wedding night.

Far too many people only think of themselves, and they don’t give a lot of thought to the sexual satisfaction of their spouse.

News flash: Sex is to be about the other person.

Just before we move along allow me to share a statement I heard. I was I was listening to Moody radio several months ago, and the discussion was about sex. Yes, sex was the topic being discussed on national Christian radio. The author that was being interviewed made the following statement. He said, “Good guys finish last!” Write that down. 

   Some of you will get that right away, for others it may take some time. Okay then – take your time when having sex. 

V. Sex is Obligatory. 

We read in I Corinthians 7:2-5,

2  Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3  Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4  The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5  Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control 

What do we learn from this passage? We learn the following:

  • Because of sexual Immorality – vs. 2

Why does immorality abound? Because people are sexual beings. And because we are sexual being:

  • Men need wives, and women need husbands – vs. 2
  • Husbands and wives are to render to one another – this is speaking of sexual relations – vs. 3
  • Your spouse now has authority over your body – vs. 4
  • Don’t deprive one another from having sex – vs. 5

Now, allow me to speak freely about this issue before us. There are two things I want to say here:

  1. Don’t use sex as a tool for manipulation in your marriage relationship. “We can have sex if you do this, or we can have sex if you do that. I’m not giving you sex until you help me with the dishes.”
  1. Don’t make excuses for not having sex. You know the biggies: I have a headache. I don’t feel good. I’m tired. (Note: I said excuses).

According to Paul both the husband and the wife are to fulfill their martial duty. The only exception is when the two of you agree to abstain from sex for short period of time. My take here is that it is a spiritual reason. Paul writes, “so that you may devote yourselves to fasting and prayer.” And it is only to be for a short time, so that Satan doesn’t tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

   Here is an important point: Paul understands the human heart. Because the sex drive is so powerful make sure that you come together sooner than later. Don’t allow Satan to bring temptations your way.

One author I was reading said that couples should experience a sexual release at least every 72 hours. If that is true, then I would suggest that you don’t go more than three days fasting and praying. I would suggest that: Two Become One in the Bedroom!

Conclusion: I want to close by making just a few more comments: 

  1. If you view sex as dirty would you please get some help. God never intended for any individual to see sex as something dirty.
  1. Sex is God’s gift, and it is a gift you can give to another person on your wedding night. Please don’t cheapen sex as only a biological function. God gave it as a gift in order that two become one.
  1. Christians need to understand that sex is sacred. Sex can become a worshipful experience when enjoyed in the confines of a marriage relationship. Don’t confuse worship and sacred with passion and lust. Both lead to sex, but only one truly promotes oneness.
  1. Remember sex is interactive – it’s NOT about you. Make sure you know the human body, and make sure you know how the human body works. Sex is about the person you are married too. Therefore, make it about them.
  1. Don’t withhold sex from your spouse. Don’t manipulate your spouse with sex. Render to your spouse the affection due. Don’t give place for Satan in your marriage. Come together often and enjoy the two becoming one.

Now, I know that some of you are looking forward to the application of this sermon. Am I right? Of course I am right. However, some of you are NOT married, and you are to wait – there is no application for you, at least not right away. However, I testify to you that the wait is well WORTH it.

Four things:

  • You will honor God.
  • You will respect yourself.
  • You will have no shame.
  • You will enjoy a future intimacy.

2 Responses to “Two Becoming One in the Bedroom”

  1. Jayleigh says:

    I know this is an old post, but I hope to get a response anyway. You talk about rape and sex being viewed as dirty, then drop the whole subject of sexual assault. How are people particularly women and children since they are the primary victims, affected by rape and incest? As a survivor of incest I already am fully aware of many ramifications. It seems as if NOBODY talks about the spiritual affect except, as had been my issue for a lifetime until less than a year ago, how we view the Heavenly Father. Nobody ever addressed the Two become one flesh outside of marriage, let alone when rape and incest are involved. This should definitely be addressed today. You started by sharing statistics. All of the women and children (and men) affected should be given an answer that is biblical. If there really is nothing in the bible about this, then what? There is the whole Catholic issue. Don’t those children and women deserve answers along with everyone else whether saved or not saved? Those being trafficked and raped up to 30 times a day, usually every day? Are we all doomed in some way? What about Absalom and Tamar? Her life was ruined and she never even got justice because King David closed his eyes to this. What happened to her spiritually as a result of nonconsensual incest? Dinah was avenged, famously, but some “scholars” say this wasn’t viewed as defilement back then. (Say what???) Nonetheless, the two would have become one flesh. I don’t know if it’s a biblical thing or later, but I’ve read that many times women are forced to marry their rapists. So, if a woman doesn’t want to marry about, he rapes her and she has no choice but to marry and/or live a lonely ostracized life of a defiled woman. On top of this life sentence, how does the Two become one flesh affect such a woman? Seriously, millions of women and children deserve an answer. Any perceived “attitude” isn’t personal toward you, it’s just personal for me. I’m grateful you even mentioned something since I’ve not seen any other acknowledgement that this is or “could be” a problem. You are at least aware since you began your article clarifying the difference in viewing sex as dirty. Feel free to respond to my email instead of not responding. Thank you.

    • admin says:

      Thank you for your post. Yes, women around the world are often seen only as sexual objects. I never want anyone to assume that I promote a oneness with an abuser. I don’t believe that it is God’s design for someone to be abused, and then told that they are to become one. I also believe that it is in a marriage between one man and one woman who consummate that marriage who can become one. My article was about discovering a biblical healthy view of sex as God created it. Oneness cannot result when someone is working through the various issues you mentioned. It is only after finding peace after the abuse through Christ, and then an individual can discover oneness with their spouse.

      Thank you, and so sorry it took me so long to respond to your post.

      Pastor Kim J. Alexander

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