Two Becoming One in our Roles (For the Wives)

Slide1This is part two of Two Becoming One in our Roles. This time I want to share some insight to wives that might be reading this blog. I trust you will find this helpful.

Roles of the Wife

What are the ROLES that a wife needs to be doing in the marriage relationship? Let’s look at them: 

R – Respect – Ephesians 5:33

   “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)

Every husband needs to feel and know that his wife respects him. Nothing makes for bad morale than to feel and know that you are disrespected. Wives, don’t go there.

Family Life Weekend to Remember teaches, “Respect is a choice to receive your husband in spite of his weaknesses.”

What can a wife do to show respect to her husband? Again Family Life teaches that a wife can practice the following things:

  • Unconditional respect.
  • Honor him – especially before family and friends.
  • Words of affirmation – show gratefulness for all he does for you.
  • Praise him – Be creative here.
  • Don’t criticize him before his peers. Never in a public setting.
  • Listen to him tell his stories.
  • Affirm his masculinity. Receive his sexual advancements.
  • Support his decisions. It doesn’t mean he is always right. Allow room for failure.

O – Oneness – Genesis 2:24 

We read in Genesis 2:24, “and they shall become one flesh.”

No doubt that is speaking about sexual relations, but I believe it speaking about far more. I believe its speaking about emotional, physical, mental, and social oneness. It’s the whole package for marriage that God originally intended for couples.

Wives, you play a significant role in the development of spiritual oneness in marriage. I was reading the other day that 84% of women don’t feel that they are experiencing oneness in their marriage. Okay, what are you going to do about it? Oneness won’t just happen – it takes WORK!

Wives, here are some suggestions for developing oneness in your marriage. Why wives? Because by nature women are nurturers. Wives you can push for oneness in your marriage and never obtain it, or you can nurture your marriage and develop a healthy oneness.

  • Keep your eyes on God.
  • Pray for your husband – The Power of a Praying Wife. (Talk with Kathy Thompson).
  • Take walks together.
  • Share your secrets – Let him into your heart.
  • Be his greatest cheerleader.
  • Treasure your man.
  • Like sports (a lot of husbands do).
  • Play together – Find a hobby you both enjoy.
  • Protect your oneness – Keep other people out of your marriage.
  • Acts of kindness – Be quick to serve your husband. There is a boomerang affect that will occur – it will come back to you.
  • Prioritize him – He is to be your priority.
  • Render physical affection– don’t make it a chore. See it for what it is – it develops oneness in your marriage.

L – Loyalty – Proverbs 31:11

A lot of woman are tired of hearing from Proverbs 31. There are a lot of wives that just don’t feel as if they meet the criteria of being that “Virtuous Wife” that we read in that book. Maybe that is true of you. Perhaps you feel like right now you just don’t measure up. Well, let’s not focus in on the various nuances of the passage, but let’s hone in on just one area.

Let me draw your attention to Proverbs 31:11, “The heart of her husband safely trusts her;” 

Trust is a BIGGIE in marriage today. Last week I mentioned a lot of reasons why this is so. Go back and listen to that message.

Does your husband know that you are going to be loyal to him? How is loyalty spoken?

  • Tell him that you will always be faithful to him. He needs to hear those words of affirmation.
  • Be devoted to him – Give him your attention.
  • You dress for his eyes-only.
  • Remind him that he has your heart. You are a one-man woman.
  • Be present. You are aware that you can be present, but not present! Loyalty really is all about showing up and being present.

   Here is a biblical truth: Woman was taken from mans side, therefore be by his side.

E – Esteem – Philippians 2:3-4

   “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” 

Men need the respect of their wives to have esteem. And a wife can respect and build esteem into their husbands.

  • Show and Tell – Show him and tell him his worth.
  • Remind him of his value.
  • Hold him in high regard.
  • Have a strong opinion of him.
  • When making a judgment call about your husband, make it a good judgment call.
  • Think the best of him, and tell him what you’re thinking. 

Build your husbands esteem. Tell him through words how much you appreciate all that he does for you (and the kids if they are in the picture).

When your husband understands certain facets of you as a woman – when he has an “Aha moment” – PRAISE HIM. Let him know it when he’s getting things right.

S – Submission – Ephesians 5:22 

   “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)

We also read this same idea over in Colossians 3:18, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”

We are NOT speaking about dictatorship when the Bible uses the word, “Submission.” We are taking about a word that when properly understood actually sets marriages FREE.

The word “submit” actually means:

  • To subordinate.’
  • To obey.
  • To submit one’s self unto.

Patrick Morley in his book, The Man In The Mirror writes, “The wife’s duty is to submit to you, which is the ultimate expression of respect.” Why does everything seem to go back to respect? Because a man needs to know he is respect by his wife.

When a husband loves his wife, and a wife is submitting to her husband it does away with control issues in a marriage relationship. They labor together in oneness.

Someone once said, “No man should ever think that his wife should submit to him, if he is not first loving her.”

A woman needs love and a man needs respect. If neither receives what they need in marriage, the result is what Emerson Eggerich calls, The Crazy Cycle.

Husbands love your wives, and they will graciously submit to you, and you will receive respect. You will get what you need (respect) as you give them what they need (Love). Wives, submit to your husbands. This is God’s design.

When God created woman He took a part of Adam’s side. Eve was not taken from Adam’s head to rule over him, or from Adam’s feet to be walked upon by Adam. No, Eve (the first woman) was taken from Adam’s side, so that the two of them could forever walk together in companionship.

The wife submits to her husband. The husband submits to Christ. Christ submits to God. And all of us are to submit to one another. Submission is not a bad word. It is required in every other institution – business, government, judicial, military, and on and on and on. And it must also be a part of the institution of marriage as well.

Two Becoming One in our Roles (For the Husbands)

Slide1Roles are an issue. Consider the following email that was sent to me: “What a topic.  Jerry and I have personally struggled with these roles through the years. For seven years he was really checked out.  He was raised by an alcoholic single mom with no intention of teaching him about roles.  My dad was very overpowering in his idea of roles.  It wasn’t good either.  We were both confused.  Just when we were figuring out a healthy marriage, and a peaceful balance, Jerry lost his job and I became the worker while he stayed home.  It was miserable for both of us because our roles were messed up!!!  It was awful.  He felt terrible about himself, not providing for us financially, and I hated having to go to work instead of caring for our home.  Thank God he brought us through that time, it was terrible, but we did learn a lot.  We really work together.  I do struggle with being more of the disciplinarian, because I was raised that way and he wasn’t.  Also, it’s that curse from the beginning where Women are always struggling to be the head over their husbands. It’s something I work on and pray about every day.  I know my tendency to try to be in charge, so I really work on it.”

In this post I am going to take the word, ROLES, and I am going to use it as an acrostic to provide principles for husbands, and in the next post I’ll share some principles for the wives.

Roles for the Husband 

What are the ROLES that a husband needs to be doing in the marriage relationship? Let’s look at them:

R- Relational – Genesis 2:23

   Relationship is everything! We live for relationships. God created us with a need for people – this is why we are born into a family. This is also why friendship is important. This is also why having a relationship with God is important. Every man needs a relationship with God. Establish a solid vertical relationship with your Creator, and it will be much easier to have a healthy horizontal relationship with your wife. Get RIGHT with God – Be RIGHT with your wife! Relational problems usually arise when people are out of fellowship with God. They are clueless to God’s perspective and try to muddle their way through marriage.

Men you romanced your wife to win her heart. You took initiative to build a relationship with her at the beginning. What are you doing now? Are you still the pursuer? Far too many men stop pursuing their wives after they get married. It’s like hunting for a man – I’ve bagged my wife, the hunts over. Now I must move on to something else. I would like to call husbands back to the role of being the pursuer of his wife.

Husbands are to be the initiator and pursuer of the wife, and the wife is to be the receiver and responder. Don’t get it turned around. Husbands, chase after your wife!

Husbands are responsible for relationship building in their marriage. I cannot overly state the importance of doing everything you can as a husband to BUILD HEALTH into your marriage. Women are designed for relationships – this is why they can travel in packs!

You have got to love the words that Adam says when he sees Eve for the first time. He says,  “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” (Gen. 2:23)

What a difference we would see in marriages if more husbands would see their wives as a part of them – “bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh.” Try it – view your wife as a part of yourself! I believe that was what Paul was saying in Ephesians 5.

O – Operations – I Corinthians 11:3

   “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3)

Did you hear what Paul wrote? Don’t miss this:

  • The head of every man is Christ.
  • The head of woman is man.
  • The head of Christ is God.

God is NOT asking us to do anything that He Himself is not already practicing. Headship exists in the Trinity.

The head is the central-processing center. My brain operates my body. As husbands we are to use the brain that God blessed us with in our marriage relationship.

As Operations Director I believe that husbands are responsible for the following:

  • Maintenance – House, car, equipment.
  • Finances – Bank, savings, retirement, investments.
  • Personnel – Wife, children, family.
  • Chores – Outside and inside the home.
  • Recreation – Dates, vacations, and trips.

L – Loving – Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,(Ephesians 5:25)

Far too many wives have to ask their husbands if they love them. This should not be the case. Our wives should have no doubt that we love them. They should see an evident love that is always on display.

How did Christ love the Church? He gave Himself for her. This is the greatest display of love ever written down anywhere or anyplace in all the annuals of humanity.

What are some practical ways in which men can love their wives? Here are some ways:

  • Give up something for her – sacrifice for your wife. Be willing to give up thing for her.
  • Cherish her – make her feel it. Make sure that she knows she is the most important thing in your life. Nothing rivals her – nothing!
  • Nurture her – help her to become all that God designed her to become.
  • Protect her – let her know you are watching over her. You will protect her.
  • Lead her – provide the direction that is needed for your relationship to grow.

E – Encourager – Ephesians 4:29 

“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” (Ephesians 4:29)

Lets focus together on the last half of this verse. There are actually two parts here. Make sure you get this down. Here is how you encourage your spouse:

  1. Only use words in your marriage that are “good for necessary edification,” 

This does not mean that you don’t deal with problems in your marriage, or that you don’t speak truth. What it means is that you weigh your words very carefully before you speak them. Don’t use damaging words (corrupt words), but words that build the other person up. 

  1. The words you do use ought to “impart grace to the hearers,” 

Is anyone guilty of saying things in the heat of the moment that you later regret? I’ve been married for 35 years, and I have no doubt that I have said a lot of things to Debbie that did not “impart grace” to her. I have been guilty of actually inflicting damage to her.

Grace defined is, unmerited favor.

We can either choose to build our mate up, or tear them down (Remember our series on WORDS?) I believe that the role of the husband, like I said in message number one, Two Becoming One as Friends that our responsibility is to make our spouse shine (Christ will present His Church as a glorious bride – Eph. 5:27). 

S – ServantMark 10:43-45

You did not marry a slave girl, or someone who jumps at your beckon call every time you snap your fingers. No, you married the daughter of the King. Try that on for size!

Marriage is not about being served, but serving. Husbands are called to serve their spouse. The very term “husband” literally means, “to cultivate (soil or plants).

I can tell you right upfront that you will never grow anything in a garden unless you spend time cultivating the soil, and caring for the plants. You will not have a strong marriage unless you spend adequate time cultivating the soil of your marriage, and the plant (wife) that you are responsible for. I read the following quote: “Husbands, you are responsible for the fruit in your wife’s life.”

Several years ago I had a man in my office that was having marital difficulties, so he came to me for some advice. He kept telling me all the issues he was having with his wife, and at the same time how much he loved her. I stopped him and I asked him, “So tell me how have you been showing your wife that you love her?” He couldn’t come up with one way in which he had been outwardly demonstrating to his wife that he actually loved her. No wonder he was having marital problems.

Love is a VERB!

Listen to what Jesus taught, “Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:43-45)

ACTION is written all over those verses. Husbands, how are you actually serving your wives? Write it down. Don’t just think you are doing something – actually do it!

Take what you can, and begin to put it into practice. Go and make your marriage better.

Two Becoming One in the Bedroom

Two Becoming One in the BedroomIf you find the following blog helpful will you please send your friends to our page. Also a full audio and video presentation of this sermon is available here online as well. Thank you for reading, listening, or watching.

What is God’s perspective about sex as a married couple? Continue to read and discover:

I. Sex is NOT dirty.

Why would people think sex is dirty? Here are some possible reasons:

  • Sexual abuse.
  • Rape

RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) reports that 1 person every 2 minutes is either raped or sexually assaulted in the United States. That means well over 200,000 people are sexual assaulted annually in our nation. And it is true that many times victims of sexual crimes begin to view sex as dirty. And often they view themselves as dirty.

Sexual abuse and rape is dirty, and it’s not only dirty, it’s criminal. However, God ordained, “sex is NOT dirty”.

Our society has made it not just dirty, but absolutely filthy. Consider the following:

  • 50 Shades Of Grey – A book and now a movie.
  • Prostitution (Called the oldest profession).
  • Sex Trafficking – 1 million worldwide and 300,000 in the US are affected, and the average ages is 12-14 years old.
  • Spring Break – College students head to Mexico hook up with one another. Estimated around 170,000 to 200,000 students annually.
  • Pornography industry (Makes more money than all sports teams combined).
  • Magazine that are constantly promoting sex. And I might add a very twisted view of sex.

No wonder so many people have such a warped psychological view of sex, and see it as not only dirty, but something entirely disgusting.

God created sex to be a shared intimacy between a husband and wife, but man has polluted sex, and intimacy becomes the casualty – the very emotional connection that people really desire.

One of my very favorite passages in the Bible about enjoying sex in the confines of marriage is found in Proverbs 5:15-19. And get this – its NOT dirty. We read,

   “Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.”

As a married couple when you are engaged in the sexual act and you feel that it is dirty, than your internal programing has been damaged. Psychologically there is something terribly wrong. God never intended for married sex to be looked upon as dirty. If you view sex in your marriage as something dirty please get some counseling. Talk with your spouse. Read some good Christian books about sex. Read the Bible and get God’s perspective about sex. Find out what is going on in your heart and mind. What has caused you to view sex as dirty? Get help – don’t go through life viewing sex as dirty.

II. Sex is God’s Gift.

You heard right – Sex is a gift! It is God’s gift to both the husband and the wife. Are you aware that God has one book in the Old Testament where we actually read about some very amazing sexual interchange occurring between a young husband and his beautiful wife. The book is called, The Song of Solomon. In this book of only eight chapters we are introduced to the Shulamite (the young woman) and her Beloved (the young man). And in this book we see sex as a gift from God.

Every Christian should read this book. It provides a beautiful picture of everything that a man and woman would desire in a relationship, including sexual intimacy. Here is what we discover in the Song of Solomon:

  • A man and woman – they are friends (Remember last weeks message).
  • Love – they truly love each other (The focus was on the other person).
  • Romance – they shared compliments about the others appearances and smells (good compliments).
  • Sexual abstinence (2:7,3:5,8:4, They taught abstinence because they understood it as a gift from God).
  • They long to be with one another, and didn’t like it when they were away from each other.
  • In the bedroom they enjoyed foreplay with one another. They had fun as a married couple.
  • They enjoyed God’s gift of sex – they enjoyed each other’s body as God intended (Go ahead and study and read Song of Solomon chapter 4-5).
  • They praised each other. (I think the conversation may have gone something like this: The husband would say to his wife, “My O my you look fine “i.e., you look hot”.” To which the wife would respond, “I am so in love with you.”
  • They were totally in love with each other, and they experienced real intimacy.

Allow me to read to you from Song of Solomon 7:6-10 – this is a picture of the beauty of sex as God’s gift. We read,

“(The Beloved) 6 How fair and how pleasant you are, O love, with your delights! 7 This stature of yours is like a palm tree, And your breasts like its clusters. 8 I said, “I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of its branches.” Let now your breasts be like clusters of the vine, The fragrance of your breath like apples, 9 And the roof of your mouth like the best wine. (The Shulamite) The wine goes down smoothly for my beloved, Moving gently the lips of sleepers. 10 I am my beloved’s, And his desire is toward me. “

Sex is a gift! It is God’s gift to mankind.

III. Sex is Sacred.

Please write this down: Married people are to only have sex with their spouse. Sex is sacred. This is what the book of Hebrews teaches,

   “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Heb. 13:4)

This verse teaches that those who have sex before marriage (fornicators) and those who have sex while married to someone other than their spouse (adulterers) God will judge.

This verse tells us that God will judge the person who defiles the marriage bed either before marriage (fornication), or after marriage (adultery).

Sex in marriage is viewed as very sacred. This flies in the face of our modern sexualized society, but I know you would agree with me that society hasn’t gotten it right. Consider these three examples:

Many couples are cohabiting, that is, living together in a sexual relationship without marriage. Currently, 60% of all marriages are preceded by cohabitation, but fewer than half of cohabiting unions end in marriage. And 46% of those who do get married end in divorce.[2]

  • Friends with benefits.

This is how the Urban dictionary defines “Friends with Benefits:” Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.

  • Websites that promotes adultery.

Ashley with its slogan: “Life is short – have an affair.” 8 million men and women are registered with Ashley Madison.[3]

Not only has society not gotten it right, but also we live in a world where people just don’t care about God’s plan for sex. In the last few months alone I have heard the following statements:

  • “I don’t agree with Pastor Kim about not having sex before marriage.”
  • “I have a conviction that certain things are wrong, but my mind is not made up about sex before marriage.”
  • If you don’t have sex before marriage you will be inept on your wedding night.

What does God have to say to us? Do we want God’s take on sex? We read in I Thessalonians 4:1-8,

   1 Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God; 2 for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus. 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6  that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. 7 For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. 8 Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit. 

   I read those verses and it is very clear that sex is sacred! It is God’s will that you enjoy sex within the confines of a marriage relationship. Sex is never to be shared outside of a marriage relationship between a man and a woman. The marriage bed is to be undefiled!

Adam and Eve were the first couple on the planet to have sexual intercourse. It was an exclusive experience between the two of them – it was a sacred experience! This is what God has said about that original exclusive and sacred experience between Adam and Eve, and it provides us a clear picture of how God views sex. We read in Genesis 2:24-25,

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” 

Here we have a beautiful picture of the sacredness of sex. Look carefully at what we have in these two verses:

  • A man leaving his parents.
  • A man taking a wife (marriage).
  • Sex (they became one flesh).
  • Nakedness (they were both naked).
  • No shame between the man and woman.

Please hear this: A married couple can have sacred sex for the glory of God. And sacred sex (an undefiled bed) does bring God glory. 

IV. Sex is Interactive. 

What do I mean when I use the word, interactive? I mean that sex is not to be about you, but about your spouse, and sex is not suppose to be about your spouse, but about you. Both husband and wife are to make sex about the other person.

There are a lot of marriages where sex has become self-focused. Many married couples are under the understanding that sex is about their experience, and they don’t realize that sex is not about them, but about fulfilling the physical, psychological, and emotional needs of your mate – the need for real intimacy.

Sex is not just about you.

  • Every married couple should understand the anatomy of the human body. Know your own body – Know your spouses body. Know how the body functions.
  • Every married couple should read good Christian books about sexual intimacy (Suggestion: Intended For Pleasure by Ed Wheat. Should be in every Christian home).
  • Every married couple should have someone who cares enough for them to sit down with them before their wedding and explain step-by-step what to expect on their wedding night.

Far too many people only think of themselves, and they don’t give a lot of thought to the sexual satisfaction of their spouse.

News flash: Sex is to be about the other person.

Just before we move along allow me to share a statement I heard. I was I was listening to Moody radio several months ago, and the discussion was about sex. Yes, sex was the topic being discussed on national Christian radio. The author that was being interviewed made the following statement. He said, “Good guys finish last!” Write that down. 

   Some of you will get that right away, for others it may take some time. Okay then – take your time when having sex. 

V. Sex is Obligatory. 

We read in I Corinthians 7:2-5,

2  Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3  Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4  The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5  Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control 

What do we learn from this passage? We learn the following:

  • Because of sexual Immorality – vs. 2

Why does immorality abound? Because people are sexual beings. And because we are sexual being:

  • Men need wives, and women need husbands – vs. 2
  • Husbands and wives are to render to one another – this is speaking of sexual relations – vs. 3
  • Your spouse now has authority over your body – vs. 4
  • Don’t deprive one another from having sex – vs. 5

Now, allow me to speak freely about this issue before us. There are two things I want to say here:

  1. Don’t use sex as a tool for manipulation in your marriage relationship. “We can have sex if you do this, or we can have sex if you do that. I’m not giving you sex until you help me with the dishes.”
  1. Don’t make excuses for not having sex. You know the biggies: I have a headache. I don’t feel good. I’m tired. (Note: I said excuses).

According to Paul both the husband and the wife are to fulfill their martial duty. The only exception is when the two of you agree to abstain from sex for short period of time. My take here is that it is a spiritual reason. Paul writes, “so that you may devote yourselves to fasting and prayer.” And it is only to be for a short time, so that Satan doesn’t tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

   Here is an important point: Paul understands the human heart. Because the sex drive is so powerful make sure that you come together sooner than later. Don’t allow Satan to bring temptations your way.

One author I was reading said that couples should experience a sexual release at least every 72 hours. If that is true, then I would suggest that you don’t go more than three days fasting and praying. I would suggest that: Two Become One in the Bedroom!

Conclusion: I want to close by making just a few more comments: 

  1. If you view sex as dirty would you please get some help. God never intended for any individual to see sex as something dirty.
  1. Sex is God’s gift, and it is a gift you can give to another person on your wedding night. Please don’t cheapen sex as only a biological function. God gave it as a gift in order that two become one.
  1. Christians need to understand that sex is sacred. Sex can become a worshipful experience when enjoyed in the confines of a marriage relationship. Don’t confuse worship and sacred with passion and lust. Both lead to sex, but only one truly promotes oneness.
  1. Remember sex is interactive – it’s NOT about you. Make sure you know the human body, and make sure you know how the human body works. Sex is about the person you are married too. Therefore, make it about them.
  1. Don’t withhold sex from your spouse. Don’t manipulate your spouse with sex. Render to your spouse the affection due. Don’t give place for Satan in your marriage. Come together often and enjoy the two becoming one.

Now, I know that some of you are looking forward to the application of this sermon. Am I right? Of course I am right. However, some of you are NOT married, and you are to wait – there is no application for you, at least not right away. However, I testify to you that the wait is well WORTH it.

Four things:

  • You will honor God.
  • You will respect yourself.
  • You will have no shame.
  • You will enjoy a future intimacy.

New Message Series: Two Becoming One

This coming Sunday I will start a bSlide1rand new never preached before series of messages that deal with problem areas of every marriage. We will tackle areas of friendship in marriage, communication, in-laws, money issues, sex, roles, and much more. I would love to have you follow this series all the way through. I will seek to make posts weekly – providing small bits and pieces of what the sermon was about. You’ll also be able to hear the sermon as well as watch the sermon here on the sermon page of this blog site.

Why a series about marriages? Well, it is because marriage is in serious trouble. I would like to encourage you to think about this question: Who do you know that has a great marriage? Did you think of a person? Did you come up with the name of a couple immediately? Were they right on the end of your tongue? Were you able to come up with three or four couples? I really doubt it. However, if you were I would love to hear from you. Please email me the names of the couples you came up with, and tell me one thing that makes their marriage pop out to you.

I have been pastoring now for well over thirty years, and I can only think of a few couples that I have met that have a dynamic marriage. That’s it – only a few. So then, why is it that marriages are not thriving? Is it possible that we might have a wrong view about marriage? Do we enter marriage with unreal expectations? Do we see marriage only through our own immediate eyes (and not through our mates eyes as well)? Perhaps there are a hundred of reasons why more couples don’t come to our mind.

I know society today has a mixed up mind when it comes to marriage. So then, if we can no longer trust society when it comes to marriage, and we don’t know a lot of couples with great marriages than perhaps its time to turn back to the master’s blueprint for marriage. After all, I do believe that the creator if marriage can provide for us some truly great answers as to how to build our marriages for the glory of God, and at the same time our own personal enjoyment.

Come this Sunday and check out the first message in the new series.


November 14, 1976

NVBC1976 – that’s not todays date! No it’s not. That is the date that I was saved. The date that I became a follower of jesus Christ. How did it happen? Well, I was invited to church by a couple of friends. That’s a key to bringing people to Jesus – the INVITATION. We could all learn a great deal with this one idea alone. Next, I was wonderfully accepted – mess up and everything. This is another key ingredient. Instead of looking down on lost people, we should embrace their journey to Christ. I am so glad that the people at North Valley Baptist Church (Redding, CA) accepted me. Now they didn’t condone my lost lifestyle, but they did love me. The love that I felt was like something that I had never felt before (John 13:35). The people at NVBC really showered me with love. This set the stage for what happened at the evening service on November 14, 1976.

Pastor Royal Blue was preaching a series of messages from the book of Revelation. On this particular night he was in the

Royal Blue

13th Chapter of Revelation. He was preaching about a beast coming up out of the sea have many heads and various horns. His message dealt with the End Times, and prophetically what was going to happen with the rise of the Antichrist. At the conclusion of the sermon he gave an altar call to anyone present that felt lost and without hope. He said, ‘If you are here tonight and you have never received Jesus Christ I want you to come forward. Someone will be here to meet you.” I got up out of my seat, and I began my journey to Christ. A man by the name of Jim Lindenburger counseled me in a small room off to the side of the church. He opened the Bible and showed me my need for Christ. There in that room, I called out to Jesus to save me, and to wash away my sins. I asked Him to come into my life. He did, and my life has never been the same.

Right away I planted myself in the church. I got involved with youth group and church related ministries. I was a bus captain, and went out and visited homes on Saturdays inviting children to ride our church bus on Sunday morning to church. We picked them up, we dropped them off at their front doors. I got involved with our church youth choir, and went on several summer choir tours through the Northwest states. I was active at Bible camp serving as a camp counselor. Sunday school and midweek was also important for me.

My church provided me with a lot of reading after I gave my heart to Christ. I found myself reading that material after school as I sat in my car waiting for a friend. We would ride together into Redding where we both worked for Red Lion Motor Inn. Those early days were so very important. I am so glad that my church knew just what I needed, and that they provided the materials to help me get properly grounded.

What about your salvation experience? Are you walking with Christ today? Did you get involved in your church? Are you rooted properly? If you can’t answer yes, why don’t you begin afresh. Start today. Get involved in your church. Plant yourself in a ministry. Serve Christ through serving people. Read all that you can to help yourself understand the Christian faith. Serve the Lord with gladness.

I al so thankful for that Sunday that I came to saving faith. North Valley Baptist Church – Thank you for everything you did for me. Thank you for accepting me, and loving me into God’s forever family.

A Recent Sermon: Snow Flurries

   Slide1   We started a new series, really a mini-series compared to Hosea. We started a three-week series that I am calling, Biblical Weather Report, and yesterday we looked at a message I entitled, Snow Flurries. Yes, we took a look at SNOW, how it is used in the Bible, and what we can learn from SNOW. This series is being based off of Psalm 148:8, “Fire and hail, snow and clouds; Stormy wind, fulfilling His word.” Isn’t that a truly amazing verse? SNOW fulfills the word of God!

   SNOW we discovered is mentioned some 20 times in the Bible, and we traveled through most of the places in yesterday’s sermon. What did we discover about SNOW? We learned:

I.              God controls all weather, even snow.

Take a few minutes to look up the following verses in your own Bible. Job 37:6, God causes the SNOW to fall on the earth. Job 37:13, God sends the weather for correction, for the land, and out of His goodness. Job 37:13, God has a treasury just for SNOW. Psalm 147:16, God gives SNOW like wool. It is a covering! Psalm 148:8, Our key verse again (Highlight it in your Bible). What do you think the point is in all these verses? It’s simple – God controls all weather.

II.            God inspired His writers to be creative with the word, SNOW.

Check out the following biblical writers usage of the word, SNOW:

A.    Job uses the word, SNOW – Job 24:19

This is the verse that I had a hard time with in the sermon yesterday. It wasn’t Solomon that used it; it was Job. Thanks for the text, Anthony. As SNOW melts away by heat and drought, so the grave consumes those that sin. There is a high price for sin. Sin is the culprit that leads us away from God.

B.    David uses the word, SNOW – Psalm 51:7

This verse comes right out of David’s prayer of repentance. It is a powerful verse of confession and cleanings. God will wash us and make us whiter than SNOW! Remember, it is God who does the cleansing.

C.    Solomon uses the word, SNOW – Prov. 25:13

Here SNOW is seen as something refreshing. It is used to cool one down on a hot harvest day. It is compared to a faithful messenger that brings good news to his master.

Solomon also uses SNOW over in that great Proverbs 31 chapter. Check out verse 21. Here we read that the wife wasn’t afraid of the SNOW because she had prepared ahead of time for its arrival. Preparation is essential.

D.    Isaiah uses the word, SNOW – Isaiah 1:18

In this verse Isaiah quotes God, “Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the LORD, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.” 

There is nothing like knowing that ones sins have been completely forgiven. Thank you Lord. Agree with God about our sin, and we shall be forgiven.

III.           God is described by the word, SNOW.

There are three places where God is described (His garments, head and hair) by the word, SNOW. You will want to pick up your Bible and look at the following verses: Daniel 7:9, Mark 9:3, and Revelation 1:14. God being described by the word, SNOW is used to drive home the truth that God is wholly pure and totally holy.

I brought the message to a close by reminding us that no two snowflakes are the same. That they are as individual as fingerprints. God created them all. I also asked us to see winter through new eyes. Remember that all weather is God controlled. That SNOW comes from God’s treasury, and that it fulfills His word. That’s mighty awesome.

Next, I reminded us how creative man is with SNOW. Man makes snowmen to snow hotels with God’s SNOW! I also pointed out that along this same creative streak that the writers of Scripture were creative with the usage of SNOW. Go back up and reread point II. Washed as white as SNOW. As heat and drought consume the SNOW waters. SNOW is like a faithful messenger that refreshes his master. A prepared wife doesn’t have to be afraid of the SNOW. If we will agree with God about our sin, and confess our sin, that God will wash us as white as SNOW. Now that is a very creative use for the word, SNOW!

Finally, I shared that when we look at SNOW that we need to be reminded that it describes for us the attribute of God. We looked at three places where God’s garments and His head and hair were being described by the word, SNOW. SNOW in those passages was speaking about God being pure and holy.

And there we have our Biblical Weather Report. I really hope that you and I will never look at SNOW again in the same way. SNOW points us to God! Now, how wonderful is that?

Stay-at-home Moms could do a better Job than Congress

Gov shutdown

I am not a politician and right now its a good thing. Not many of them are looking good right now. Isn’t it a shame that some of the highest paid people in the country cannot provide direction for our country? I think that not only should government workers not get paid, but we should withhold pay from our elected professionals as well. This would get them back to the table for discussion. I think it would be a good thing if somehow we could fire the whole lot of them. Give them pick slips and send them home without pay. I am one tired American hearing over and over again that it is always the fault of the person across the table. As a nation we cannot spend and tax our way to a better economy (and I’m not an economist either).

Yes, I would really like to see a national grass roots movement that calls for every politician to resign (without retirement pay). Who gets a pension for life for 4 years of service? We need to rethink this one. The whole lot of them need to be fired, resign, or step aside. I believe that stay-at-home mothers could run our country better than Congress has. They know how to disciple their children, and as a people that make up this great country, its time that we discipline our national leaders.

Finally, remember that they work for us. Okay, and also remember that we are commanded to pray for them. And we all know they need it.

Moab Pride, Really? Not something to be proud about.



A friend of mine just returned from a vacation from Colorado, and on the way home he and his wife stopped in the town of Moab, Utah. They stopped at several hotels trying to find a place to lay down their heads. Finally after a long search they found a room for $ 186.00 for one night = that’s the price for a bed and a shower. They begin to ask around why so many people were in town, and why all the hotels were booked. The answer: A Gay Convention. Yes, there were gay people everywhere.

My friend and his wife went to a pizza place, and inside the establishment were men holding hands with one another, and two men in a booth towards the back kissing on one another. He told me that it made him sick. He said, “I didn’t know there were so many gay people.”

Yes, gay people are everywhere we look today. The term gay makes it socially acceptable. The word that the Bible uses is homosexual, or sodomite (Romans 1).

I was listening to a sermon today by the late Adrian Rogers. He preached on the topic -The Last Step Down. Sexual perversion of every type was the reason for the fall of the Roman Empire. Today we look around and we see the same thing happening in America. Today people call it a new morality – what was wrong with the old morality? People were healthier, and I would go out on a limb and say, and happier. There are a lot of very sad and depressed homosexual individuals. The answer is not more indulgence – it is discovering a new life through the person of Jesus Christ. Here is how Jesus handled the sexual sin issue – Go and sin no more (See John 8). Pretty simple and clear to me.

I know a mother who had two sons who died from AIDS. Both of them got involved with the homosexual lifestyle because of the money that flows. There is a young man that I know who has used his homosexual lifestyle to appear in porn movies for homosexuals. Yes, there is a terrible price to pay. This guy is not happy, nor healthy. He has on several occasions taken a few two many pills to deaden his conscience.

I am not a scientist, but I can look around me and completely understand that God created all things to procreate, and without this single act the human race would disappear. This is the end product of a homosexual lifestyle. Isn’t it time just to think?

The people of Moab, Utah do not deserve to have to face having their town turned into a homosexual convention. I wonder just what kind of publicity I would receive if I hosted an all heterosexual conference and placed banners on light poles in town that promoted sexual relations between a man and a woman? Now, I just may be onto something!!!

The Bible says, “For this reason God gave them up to vile passions.” (Romans 1:26)

Today we are hearing about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT), and now even people who claim they were born with no gender. Its just sin folks – thats all it is. You can dress up, and go out into the streets, but it doesn’t make it acceptable.

And those are a few of my thoughts today.


Sunday Reflections – September 29, 2013


I am sitting in my office listening to people just outside my door making plans for The Greatest Christmas Pageant Ever. Decisions are being made regarding whether we should charge a fee, or free, decorations, sound equipment, lighting, food, and so many other decisions. It is exciting to hear the discussion between various individuals. Others in the drama are actually in the sanctuary going through various lines. I hope that everyone at SLBC will begin to pray and to think about whom they will invite to the program in December.

This week a decision will be made regarding the new church sign on Hwy 41 and New Hampshire. Pray! This is going to be a great way to inform our community about what is happening here at SLBC.

Tonight we also held our 5th Sunday worship experience. The group was small, but the Spirit of God was present. Christian, Bob, and Carlee did a fantastic job in ministering to us through song. Boy O’ boy did those present sing – I loved it! Thank you to everyone that came out and participated. It was tremendous.

Today’s sermon was titled: It’s what’s in the Heart. I asked us at the beginning to think about what we allow into our heart (essence of who we are as people). Solomon wrote in Proverbs 4:23, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Yes, each one of us needs to be careful what we allow into our hearts, because it will eventually come to the surface of our lives. Today we walked through Hosea 10, and we saw what Israel allowed into their lives. They allowed the following sins into their heart:

  • Selfishness – shows up with we spend only on ourselves.
  • Division (half-heartedness) – showed up with Israel serving other gods.
  • Lying – showed up with Israel broke covenants they made with others.
  • Idolatry – showed up by the many idols Israel worshipped.
  • Wickedness – showed up in the many wicked behaviors of the Israelites.

Yes, its what’s in the heart that really matters! We need to guard our hearts, and make sure that we don’t allow things into our lives that will lead us away from a strong walk with the Lord. So then, how do we as the people of God today establish a healthy heart? What is the right stuff that we need to be putting into our heart today? I would remind us, and suggest that we practice the following:

  1. Serve instead of being served (or being selfish). I challenged us that we do something every day this coming week outside of our comfort zone for another human being, and expect nothing in return. No applause, and not even a thank you.Serve as unto the Lord. This is how we overcome selfishness in our hearts.
  2. Choose God above gods! Remember the wonderful words of General Joshua, “But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” (Joshua 24:15)
  3. Speak the truth (from your heart). The key for this point was that we must have truth in our heart, if we are going to speak truth from our heart. Key verses here were: John 17:17, and John 8:32. Truth sets people free. Seek to only speak truth this week. Have a heart of integrity.
  4. Glory only in God Almighty. This was what the Apostle Paul wrote, “He who glories, let him glory in the LORD.” (I Corinthians 1:31, II Corinthians 10:17).
  5. Sow for yourself righteousness (what I RIGHT). Do this and you will reap God’s mercy! Each one of us needs to do what is right as a habit from our heart. Practice this and we will reap the goodness of God. Sounds good to me.

Well, those are my thought tonight. I trust that you and your family will have a great week. As Robert King use to say, “Walk with the King today and be a blessing.”

In His Service,

Pastor Kim

Adultery Encouraged

I was preparing a sermon from Hosea 7, and one of the sins that God pointed out that Israel was practicing was adultery. It became common place with the people, and it was a part of their national downfall. Israel went into captivity as a result of their sin and unrepentive heart. Well, you would think that we as Americans could learn from the culture and downfall of others, but I don’t think so. I came across the following commercial that is actually encouraging people to commit adultery – Ashley Madison is a multi-million dollar business encouraging married people to commit adultery. Their tag line is: “Life is short Have an affair” Check out the video:

Who would ever believe that something like this would be encouraged? (Note: The above video is tame compared to others). Adultery is not new to our society. King David committed adultery, and lets not forget the woman caught in the very act of adultery (John 8). People will always cheat (sin) on their spouses, but does our society want to promote it, advertise it on television? Do we want to encourage our spouse, our children’s spouses to contemplate someone else? I don’t think so.

The battle is raging today, and right now all around us SEX is being used to destroy any moral fiber that might remain in us as people. The Bible is clear – David had no peace until he confessed his adultery as sin (Psalm 51). The woman at the well could have been stoned to death – she was caught in the vey act of adultery. Jesus said to her, “go and sin no more.” (John 8:11). What is the truth here for us? The same, “go and sin no more.”

Christians must take a strong stand against all sexual immorality. Adultery is only one shoot off the many roots of the sexual sins facing our society today. Know the Bible, guard your heart, and above all, stay true to your spouse.